Welp, it’s officially summer. A shift is in the air, I feel relaxed and inspired to share a personal story.1
The text group of my dearest, oldest friends pinged into action yesterday. One friend shared a milestone: “My daughter got her period!” Time goes by, and things change, but one event has held true since the dawn of humans—MENSTRUATION.
Now, our friend talks revolve around children, pets, perimenopause and hysterectomies. Starting in the 80s, we’ve been through it all. The story of my first period still makes us laugh; sometimes remembering even makes us spit out our drinks.
Sometime around 1989 or so, my mom dropped me off at a hair salon to meet my four best friends. I’m not sure why we were all at the salon; I was not allowed to get a ‘perm.’ 2 Maybe I had FOMO (even back then)? Or more likely there were no rules around dropping your 14-year-old teenager off at a salon, and my mom was tired of my eye-rolling.
It was late August, while one friend baked under the hair dryer, dreaming of starting school with a perfect ‘poof,’ three of us piled into the salon bathroom…because a perm takes a long time — what on earth were we doing there for hours? From within a stall, I shrieked, “Oh my goooood! I think I crapped my pants!” Wild giggling, cackling, and the unbridled energy of teenage girls erupted.
Chrissy, holding an unspoken rank in our adolescent friend group, her high hair and roughcast boyfriend probably helped her rise to the top, quieted us with a declaration. “Wait! Tara…. you might have started your first period! Let me see.” Without hesitation, I let her in, showed her my soiled underwear, and vulnerably looked up at her. In an instant, Chrissy became, my real-life, 100% trusted sex ed teacher. She confirmed that the surprise in my underwear was, in fact, not feces but the start of my menstrual journey. “Tara, that’s your period!”
Teenage me did not know menstrual blood could be brown. Our 1-day sex ed class in school never showed a diagram entitled “Menstrual Blood or Poo?” And it never occurred to ask such a question. My mother certainly never told me. Jill gathered around the toilet to confirm. “Yup, that’s definitely your period. It can look like that at first. Don’t worry, it’ll turn red.” Jill sometimes speaks with an absolute tone, which can come off as bossy, or reassuring. On this day, in this bathroom, at this salon, I felt safe and complete assured. Jill was right; the brown turned to red(ish).
Rachel said I should call my mom, so I did. My body can somatically remember the feel of dialing a rotary landline and fingering the long coiled chord with anticipation. Mom answered, I shared the news, she congratulated me, made sure I had access to pads, and that was the end of it.
Eventually, Kate emerged with a spiral perm. Later that day, we went back to Kate’s lake for a sleepover. The fresh perm couldn’t go underwater (poor Kate’s playfulness stifled for beauty standards). I swam with a giant pad (yuck) because my friends said that’s what I should do. It’s safe to say their teenage expertise peaked with the color of menstrual blood and not appropriate menstrual products.
When a trusted person helps us understand our human experience related to sexual health, that too, is sexuality education. Sexuality education is more than bestowing scientific facts. A class or a book could never cover all the nuance needed for sex ed. We need human connection. Sex ed is about relationships, trust, the unexpected, hygiene, laughter, awkwardness, connection, discovery, and fear. We can grow and learn BEST without shame, when we trust another with vulnerability.
I consider myself one of the luckiest people on earth to call these women my friends, they are my safe place. They have been constants from first menses to menopause and all the life events in between. I wish everyone an ‘educational’ friendship like this one.
Menstruation To Be Continued….
1.8 Billion People Menstruate Each Month
There is A LOT to discuss regarding menstruation. Over 1.8 billion people menstruate each month. Each day, approximately 800 million people menstruate, which is about 26% of the population. There is a lifetime of learning about menstruation: hormones, cycles, menstruation products, possible pregnancy, menopause, and a myriad of reproductive illnesses and diseases.
Period poverty and precocious puberty are important two topics I will also cover. Let’s lesson taboo and grow comfortable with the gritty, beautifully human experience of menstruation.
For now, it’s time to go swimming — without wearing a pad.
xo
Tara
My friends consented to me writing about them.
But my parents couldn’t stop me from crimping.