To Be Effective, Get There First, Repeat

know the skill of abstract belief formation

Hi Friends,

What-a-rollercoaster-of-a-few-weeks. Are you doing ok? I’m finally ready to leave my post-election funk and move forward. Plant seeds. Education is my way forward. Baby steps.

Just like steady, flowing water carved the Grand Canyon, the little ways we teach children daily will help form the future, bit by bit. Children are always watching, listening, experiencing, and learning. We don’t need the Department of Education to grow kind, decent, and responsible people. You are a quiet powerhouse, dear reader.

Which brings me to….

Abstract Belief Formation

Fancy words ——- a simple(ish) concept. ¹

Brief Definition of Abstract Belief Formation:
Forming a belief, likely through language, without actually experiencing anything.

This is a uniquely human phenomenon. Before we had language if a human experienced, for example, hearing leaves rustle in the forest, they could a) believe it was a dangerous animal or b) investigate to see if it was, in fact, yes, a dangerous animal. Our ancient relatives formed new beliefs only through direct experience in the physical world. It only took one time for it to be a dangerous animal for an ancient human to form a belief. Rustling leaves = dangerous animal. Ancient humans NEVER chose to investigate their beliefs because if they did, there was a good chance they would get eaten alive.

Photo by Philipp Pilz on Unsplash

Evolutionarily, our brains are still programmed for efficiency and survival. Investigating or analyzing each situation wasn't in our best interest because our lives were at stake. "Better safe than sorry" was a visceral mantra back then. Our brains need more time to adapt to the internet age. (Maybe that's why I startle when I hear what is likely a squirrel rustling the leaves). We think we form our own beliefs, but mostly, we believe what we hear or see. 

We think we form abstract beliefs in this order: 
1. hear/see something 
2. think - decide if it is true 
3. form a belief

In fact, we form abstract beliefs in this order:
1.) hear/see something
2.) believe it to be true 
3.) maybe question it later, if we have the time and feel the desire, determine if it is true or false

Our brains believe what we hear and see is true.

We only investigate beliefs after they are formed…. and only if we have time or feel inclined.

Abstract belief formation is an integral part of sexuality education.

Sex Ed: Get There First - Plant Seeds Early

Sex and sexuality are fundamental and universal parts of the human experience. Humans are also programmed at a very early age about how to think and feel about topics of sex and sexuality—providing basic belief systems for our children before the culture programs an unconscious bias.

Photo by Cristofer Maximilian on Unsplash

We want to gift our children abstract belief concepts first.

Kids want a coach to show them how to navigate sex and sexuality concepts. I am not talking about adult perspectives and infinite nuances of sex/sexuality, just basic belief structures.

We have the opportunity to teach our children sex and sexuality beliefs that align with our family beliefs, not a political party.

Here are the foundational abstract beliefs I aim to plant with the little ones in my life:

Respect and dignity to all. 
Bodies are sacred, and everyone has the right to bodily autonomy.
Healthy relationships have boundaries and consent.
Humans are free to love whomever they want. 
We accept and celebrate every person's self-expression. Including our own.

A Montessori Developmental Viewpoint

Children ages 0-6 learn about the world and form concrete understandings.

Be explicit. Repeat.

For example, I don’t get detailed about gay rights or relationships at this age. I might read and celebrate a book featuring a family parented by two moms like it’s the most normal thing in the world. NBD.

Older children, ages 6-12, listen to social influences more. Still invested in parent/adult belief systems.

Be explicit. Repeat. Ask and listen.

I might engage a child in a conversation about two moms at this developmental stage. What is their experience? What do they think? What would they like to see in the world?

(If I’ve done a good job setting the abstract belief system earlier, then this conversation is an invitation to reinforce a belief system)

Adolescents ages 12-15 are developmentally programmed to challenge belief systems.

They may start to question belief systems. Be explicit. Repeat. Engage.

With a teenager, the possibilities are astounding. Social justice, truth-making, and abstract belief formation spreaders are born here.

If I’ve set the standard and normalized conversations about same-sex couples, then teenagers feel safe to explore nuances of the topic. Relationships deepen.

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Abstract belief formation is a heady concept; my writing may not have adequately reflected it. For more insights, I recommend reading Daniel Gilbert’s work (footnoted).

I keep thinking about our influence on our children. If we wait to talk about sex education, if we only do so in isolated moments, or if we skirt topics using vague language, then they will absorb other messages from culture. I’m a little worried about predominant American cultural messages. Luckily, messages from home sound loud and clear—your voice can override all others.

What abstract belief systems do you want to teach your child?

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I’ll leave you with a little treat from the 90’s.

Remember this song?

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride

Thanks, Whitney

xo

Tara

1. from Gilbert, Daniel. Stumbling on Happiness. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2006.