NOW Is A Perfect Time to Begin

a pep talk to initiate 'the talks'

“Don’t wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.” ~Alan Cohen

Hello Dearest Community,

Have you been saying to yourself, “Maybe I should talk with my pre-teen or teen about puberty, sex… and stuff ?” Are you not sure where to start? Few adults are comfortable talking about sex ed. You’re not alone. I have three books to help you get started, no matter your child's age.

This study from the Journal of Adolescent Health conducted systematic literature review of 8,038 articles from 3 decades about school-based sexuality education and found that the most effective approach is to teach concepts using small conversations, starting early. I share this to let you know that it’s healthy to slowly wading into the water of sexuality education before your child is a teenager.

That being said, whether your child is 6 or 16, whenever you start sex ed talks will be positive.

Sexuality education cannot be reduced to only facts, studies, and research—it’s a fragile and hard-to-quantify process. It’s learning about and respecting our bodies as well as the bodies of others; feeling and naming emotions, and learning how to be in relationship. Basic foundational concepts such as personal boundaries, consent, family structures, healthy friendships, respect, dignity, and social-emotional understanding become the threads for each family’s tapestry of beautiful differentiated conversations.

Guiding children on their emotional, social, and sexual health journey is part of this crazy job we signed up for called parenting. I’ve found that leaning on a book is a great way to navigate sex education topics. Many people have put significant thought, time, and energy into crafting age-appropriate educational resources. Let’s use them.

If You Could Only Have One Sex Ed Book..

A great choice would be one of Cory Silverberg & Fiona Smyth’s books.

These two brilliant humans have created sexuality education books for children across the developmental stages.

Recommended for 3-6 Year Olds

What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth

Early in their sweet little lives, children likely contemplate these three questions:

1. Where do babies come from? (around ages 3-4)

2. How do they get in there? (around age 4-5)

3. How do babies get out? (around ages 4-6)

What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth helps parents answer all three questions. What makes this book exceptional is how it never names sexual intercourse, donor insemination, fertility treatments, surrogacy, or adoption as ways a baby may join a family. It offers a subtle invitation for parents to discuss such topics in as much, or little, detail as they would like.

“While this book is valuable for its factual accuracy, what sets it apart is its truly inclusive nature…At a time when what makes a family and what makes a baby are as varied as they've ever been, this book simply and powerfully can spark conversations about family history in all its unique beauty. — Common Sense Media

Recommended for 6-12 Year Olds

Sex is a Funny Word: A Book About Bodies Feelings and You by Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth

This inclusive, accurate, and a comprehensive resource for sexuality education for preteens and teens is 100% worthy of a spot on your bookshelf.

My son and I first read this book together when he turned 10. We squirmed with discomfort at a few points, but everything was within his lexicon of sex education knowledge¹. I always recommend pre-reading sexuality education books before sitting down with your child. That way you can anticipate uncomfortable parts, or tape a page together if you don’t believe your child is ready for something just yet. You know your child best. Go slowly. Allow time for conversation. Give their brains space to assimilate information. This book is an excellent resource that children and adults can turn to at anytime.

“Not your typical book about sex for kids, this fun, honest volume covers the topic in new and exciting ways. Sex Is a Funny Word provides a framework of foundational information about bodies, gender, and touch, and then invites young readers and their adults to talk to each other in order to "fill in the blanks" with beliefs, values, and connections to family history, culture, and community. This book isn't actually about sex: It's about providing a foundation for kids to understand sex as a big, multifaceted life experience.” – Common Sense Media

Recommended for 12-18 Year Olds (Adults too)

You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things by Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth

The book looks quite similar, but this one provides the next level of sexuality understanding for teens and adults. This book boasts 429 pages of emotional and sexual health guidance in graphic novel form. Inclusive drawings and information reviews human biology, science, and social emotional topics, and it goes on to discuss intimate relationships, and challenging topics like preventing sexual violence and discrimination.

I have not read this book with my oldest child, but it’s on our shelf. There is nothing shameful, or off-limits in this book, so I’m not hiding it. Some of the concepts are just not part of his world…. yet. If your child is in their teen years, then this book may be a good fit.

"The pure energy of Smyth's art set the tone for the entire work. . . Silverberg's writing is fearless, digging into the messiness of the human experience with an eye toward justice. Here is that rare voice that can talk about the hardest things kids go through in ways that are thoughtful, lighthearted and always respectful of their intelligence. This is not your everyday puberty resource.     You Know, Sex is an important book, and not only for the breadth of issues it covers. Silverberg portrays adolescence with tremendous honesty, and demonstrates a clear love for young readers."
— Rachel Brian, The New York Times Book Review

One thing to avoid…

Try not to be like my mom and just leave book on the table and mumble, “read this and let me know if you have any questions.” Wait, did your parent do that too?

See, the thing is… young people need adults to be the brave emotional lead. Initiate the conversation, be with any discomfort and go for it. I believe in you! If you are a parent and a scenario like this already played out between you and your child, don’t worry, you can have a “do-over.” Children can be quite forgiving. If your child fights you, roll their eyes, or says “no way” - bribery is always an option. A brief five minute convo may lead to ten minutes, which may lead to a tingle of connection. Maybe the next conversation comes a bit more easily. For their sake, we need to take the lead, read a book with them, and stay the course.

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Thank you for being part of this positive sum design. When one person learns about sexual health, the positive effects ripple. Winning Sex Ed empowers well-being.

Oxford Pennant

Please feel free to ask questions and give feedback. I’m so grateful you are here🩷.

xo

Tara

1. The sex ed topic of masturbation makes me feel uncomfortable - every. single. time.