Simple Ways to Boost Sex Ed This Summer
Simple Ways to Boost Sex Ed This Summer
remarkably obvious, if we can just slow down
As a parent, I routinely feel three steps behind. On an easy morning, when we’ve packed “a good lunch,” and the crew is paced to leave right on time, a child inevitably needs to use the bathroom—for a long time. Were school forms due last Friday? Wait, we missed the baseball sign-up window? Calendar alarms ping with reminders to log on to camp sign-ups 5 minutes before they open because parenting sometimes feels like a race.
Sex education is not a race but a story—one that we can help our children write, one small conversation at a time. Summer invites us to slow down and create our stories.
I’ve heard parents say things like, “I need to have the puberty talk” or “yah, I need to get to that.” Sexuality education is not just another thing we must check off the already overwhelming parent to-do list. What if we thought of sexuality education as a beautiful, ongoing conversation? Rather than a single ‘talk,’ we can weave threads of understanding throughout our children’s lives. No one is late. The only timeline is to begin. For those of us that feel late, avoidance may be part of the problem, so let’s talk about gentle ways to begin these conversations, transforming what once felt heavy into moments of connection and growth.
Let Summer Be An Example
Summertime flows a bit differently than school-paced schedules. Bedtimes shift later, as do morning routines (if we are lucky). Without modern life, time flows in a more natural rhythm. We eat when we’re hungry and rest when we’re tired. (Gosh, imagine having enough time to rest when tired - I think I’d be asleep for days).
Talking about sex and sexuality in a relaxed state of being allows for nuance and receptivity. I envision conversations over tall glasses of iced lemonade, with pauses long enough to hear clinks from melting ice.
Your children may be ‘bored’ and craving attention. Maybe you’ll have an opportunity to go on a walk or pause screentime for a snack. Sex ed in the summer can blossom naturally, free from the rush of the school year. Think of sex ed as a gentle formative stream rather than a torrent to brace ourselves against.
It doesn’t matter if your child is 5 or 15; opening lines of communication about sexual health at any age can make a difference. (That being said, for parents with younger children, here is my case for opening up before the teenage years.)
Summertime is always the best of what might be.
Summer Lessons About Bodies
It is hard not to observe other people’s bodies in the summer. Fashion, warm weather, and basic human instincts combine to make going out in public a sex education opportunity.
Short shorts, crop tops, bralettes — “Can you believe what they are wearing these days?” is a conversation as old as time.
People may dress provocatively to be noticed, or simply because they like to; such is life. Our adult responses to others become the ‘education’ we give children. Do we accept and respect other people or judge and make a comment? Do our words, facial expressions, or body language unintentionally teach shame?
Let’s avoid unnecessary and intrusive comments on other people’s bodies: “Oh my god, look at her top!?” or “Wow, his abs are ripped” send messages to young people.
Taylor Swift defended her friend Lady Gaga in a tweet, saying, “Can we all agree that it’s invasive & irresponsible to comment on a woman’s body.” I’d personally like to expand Taylor’s wise words to include all bodies. And yes, I can agree.
Shame-Free Conversation Ideas Prompted by Summer Body Awareness
Celebrate confidence
Celebrate body capabilities, not appearance
Respect other people’s personal choices
Celebrate body diversity
Reflect and share the reasoning for your own clothing choices - model thought processes
Discuss the fact that clothing choice is not a form of consent (teenagers)
You are so much sunshine in every square inch. -Walt Whitman
Summer Screen Time is the Wild West
Not long ago, a full summer day of screen time involved The Price is Right and some steamy scenes from Days of Our Lives. Now, children have access to a firehose of endless digital content. As for parent controls, they are not an iron-clad solution. Talk to any child over 10; they’ll proudly explain a tech workaround. So far, the only way guaranteed way I have found to fully control screen time is to turn off the internet.
Our children do not have their own tablets or gaming consoles, so they’re mostly limited to good old-fashioned television (well, streaming television actually). For reasons I can’t understand, they love to curl up and watch YouTube videos of kids playing Minecraft. If left to their own devices, they would watch 8 hours of that. As innocent as those Minecraft videos tend to be, I still worry about sexualized advertisements or off-hand comments made by internet celebrities who don’t realize how much influence they wield.
When I decide to open up the screen time firehose, which I do because I need child-free time, I let it flow guilt-free. I check in occasionally to ensure they are watching something “appropriate” or “just their size.” When my parent guilt starts to creep in, I typically turn on a dime and demand that it’s time to “turn it off.” If I’m in a calm state, I give a 5-minute warning. Regulating screen time is a self-starting dumpster fire, and I might be a summertime pyromaniac.
On the other hand, I am confident that my children understand, theoretically at least, what to do if they come across explicit content or pornography. We’ve had extensive conversations about it. (The implicit sexualized content that is harder to control scares me more, it’s often too subtle for their budding minds to critically guard against.)
We’re all trying to figure out sex ed and technology in real time. Summertime screen time is the Wild West.
Summer Camp
Summer camp presents an opportunity to discuss boundaries, consent, and privacy. Even if you’re confident your child is fully prepared, it is always beneficial to revisit the topics. Repetition is reassurance for your child and for you.
For example, this message never gets old: “No one - not an adult or another kid - should ever ask to see, touch, or take a photo of your genital area. Say ‘no,’ then tell a trusted adult right away.”
Reinforce the message that your child will not be in trouble, no matter what the circumstance. From my experience, children have a million “what if” questions. Regardless of the topic, you can always return to themes of Unconditional Love, Acceptance, and Safety.
Presenting some hypothetical scenarios might help your child imagine or role-play what they would do if they found themselves in various tricky predicaments.
Give Grace
Grace and compassion are a must in sex ed because mistakes are inevitable. My children have been involved in triggering situations. I’ve kicked myself, cried, and replayed what I could have done better. My husband and I have bickered over sex education values (that’s a topic for a future post). Life is messy and we must be kind.
I’ve been known to dial back and correct myself for things I’ve said in front of my children. “Mama should not have commented on that woman’s short shorts. She has a right to wear whatever she wants.” Mistake made and corrected. Message delivered and hopefully received.
If we can alchemize mistakes by opening our hearts, feeling our feelings, and learning, then mistakes are golden opportunities to seize and grow from, not nightmares to survive and then forget.
Summer Invites You to Begin Sexuality Education Talks
If the spirit moves you, start small. Let it be casual. Listen. Observe your children. Let the magic of summer lead to deep connection and well-being for you and your children.
Summer will end soon enough, and childhood as well.
Dearest community, thank you for being here. Even when childhood ends, we still have so much learning and growing up to do, especially in regard to understanding sexuality, relationships, and our world. I’m still learning too. It’s nice to grow together.
xo
Tara